


I don’t know how to

by Zoya113



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Angst and Comfort, Dad figure hidgens, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 01:51:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20770571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya113/pseuds/Zoya113
Summary: Emma never learnt how to apologise properly after a fight, so when she accidentally yells at Paul she isn’t sure what to do





	I don’t know how to

**Author's Note:**

> Man I have two prac exams in the next few days that I really need to study for but we stan escapism lmao

“Can I stay here tonight?” Emma had shown up at Hidgens’ house with very little warning. 

“Emma dear, of course you can, is something wrong?” 

She shook her head and shrugged. “I dunno. Not really. I just need to get out of the house for a bit.” 

She watched Hidgens’ face go through a range of emotions in very little time. “Where’s Paul?” 

“I just needed a breather,” she rubbed her neck, embarrassed as Hidgens invited her in and locked the door behind her. 

“Are you-?” 

“Oh, no, we aren’t like - it’s not serious. I’m not sure. It’s hard to explain. I just yelled and I shouldn’t have and I feel bad now.” 

“Why were you yelling?” 

She laughed sheepishly as she cuddled herself up between the pillows on the couch. “He forgot something that I thought he wouldn’t forget. And it’s not his fault, he’s busy. We’re both busy. Even if he remembered he probably thought I wouldn’t, but I did.” 

He put one arm around her shoulders. “Oh dear, you’re going to apologise to each other though aren’t you?” 

“I feel really shit. I don’t like to argue with Paul. I love Paul. I really love Paul and I thought we wouldn’t ever argue.” 

“No sweet, everyone argues. I’m sorry, that’s just how it works.” He placed one hand lightly on her knee to stop her nervous tapping. 

“Yeah. I know. But I just hear arguing and I panic. I don’t like hearing it come from me, it reminds me of mum and dad.” 

“Oh, oh dear,” he gave her a hug. “Do you want to talk to Paul?” 

She exhaled loudly. “Yeah. I want to, as soon as possible. But I’m in my head and I’ll say something dumb.” 

He nodded understandingly. “How about you send him a message just to let him know you got here safely?” 

She was soothed by his voice and gave a silent nod, fiddling with her phone as she worked up the courage to text him. 

“What did he forget?” 

“I had this thing planned, we were going to order in his favourite food and watch my favourite movie and it was gonna be so good because we’ve both been so busy,” she stifled a tear. “But work wanted him in overtime and he agreed to stay because he forgot.” Her voice cracked and she bit down on her lip to stop any crying, she rested her head on his shoulder. “And I just wanted to see him so badly.” 

“Why’d you yell?” He followed up, rubbing her back. 

“I called him to ask where he was and he didn’t even know what I was talking about and I just snapped,” she sighed. “Like an absolute idiot.” 

“Well you have the right to be a bit mad don’t you?” 

“But I thought I could control it, that I wouldn’t be like my parents. I would be more understanding.” 

“Oh my dear,” he swayed her gently. “That doesn’t mean you can’t ever be mad.” 

She turned on her phone in her hands but kept her eyes shut as she text. She didn’t want to face whether he had already text her first or not at all, she wasn’t sure which option was worse. 

‘Sorry for yelling at you. I really didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean to yell. I got mad and I shouldn’t have. I am at Hidgens’ right now. Sorry for yelling, I’ll see you in the morning and I love you.’

She forked her phone over to Hidgens before she could look at her phone. “Can you make sure that’s alright?”

“This sounds a little depressed don’t you think?” She could hear his nails on her phone screen as he typed. “I’m going to cut out a few of the apologies there.“

“Well I am a little depressed!” Emma retorted. “I feel like a dumbass for yelling, we could easily do it next weekend- oh my god, do I sound like Charlotte?” 

“Paul’s friend?”

“Yeah! She’s this lady who’s in this really shitty marriage and her husband won’t listen to her and they barely ever see each other and he sleeps on the couch half the time and she’s major depressed so she never has time for the laundry and so he never washes his clothes and she’s always wearing the same sweater and oh my god I wore this shirt yesterday,” she tugged at her shirt to double check what she was wearing. “Hidgens! Everything is spiralling!” 

“That’s a bit of catastrophic thinking now isn’t it? I think you need to clear your head.” 

She nodded. “I do but usually I have to talk to Paul to do that and I can’t do that right now because he’s the reason my head isn’t clear!” She gripped at her hair, her eyes wide. 

“You’re doing it again Emma! Just breathe in and out. Look, Paul replied. He says he loves you and he’s ready to talk about it the second you are.” 

Emma felt her heart slow down again. “Yeah?”

“Yes, look.”

“Oh.”

“Does that make you feel any better?” 

She nodded, taking her phone back. 

‘I love you too I love you so much but I can’t talk to you right now or else I’ll get mad’

‘I know love, I know you’ll be fine with Hidgens tonight so I won’t worry. Ring me when you want to talk. I love you too.’ 

She shoved her phone down her pocket with a heavy sigh. “Okay I’m breathing.” 

“Lovely. How about you head off to bed then and you can do some clear thinking in the morning?”

She nodded as they both stood up and leant in to hug him. “Thank you for letting me stay.” 

“As if I wouldn’t,” he chuckled. “Go on now. I’ll give you a hand in the morning.” 

———————————————————

Sleeping on things had never helped Emma think better. 

As much as Hidgens had advised her to sleep on her argument with Paul and face it in the morning, she was a much stronger believer in the idea of not going to bed angry. Mostly because that was almost impossible for her. 

She grimaced at the clock on the wall.   
Three in the morning and her stomach was still churning. 

She had been lying in bed for about five hours, and she had managed to completely convince herself that her one shout had set up the collapse of their entire relationship. 

And there was that catastrophic thinking again that Hidgens hated so much.   
She couldn’t keep this up, she had to call Paul. 

The bright light of her phone strained her eyes and so she turned on the speaker and placed it upside down on her chest as she stared up at the roof. 

“Em?” He sounded sleepy and confused. “What’s up?” 

She held her breath for a moment. “Heeyyy...” she started anxiously. “You aren’t sleeping on the couch are you?” 

He gave a concerned laugh. “No Em, I’m in bed, why?” She could hear his sheets rustling. 

“I’m just checking.” She let herself exhale.   
“What are you wearing?” 

“Hah, Em, what? My pyjamas, I mean, it’s like...” he grunted. “3am?” 

“Oh that’s a relief.” At least they weren’t turning into Charlotte and Sam. 

“I, uh... what are you wearing?” He added awkwardly. 

“Same shit I wore yesterday, I, hah oh fuck man. No I’m not trying to- I’m just making sure we aren’t ending up like Charlotte and Sam.”

“Charlotte and Sam? I’m offended to know that’s how you feel,” he snorted. “We are doing so much better than them! We’re us, one fight doesn’t put us down like them. We’re just going through some stuff. Why are you thinking about that?” 

“I wanna make sure we aren’t giving up.” 

“Do you feel like we’re giving up?” His voice was the only noise in the room, maybe the whole house, and it echoed ever so slightly. It gave her time to think. 

“I don’t know. I get confused. I mean I’m not even in my pyjamas. I didn’t even get to that step.” 

She heard him sigh on the other end and she flinched.   
“Are you disappointed?” 

“No, babe. I’m just sighing because it’s 3am and I’m tired. I wish you were here.” 

She watched her phone rise and fall as she breathed in and out. Slight flickers of blue light flashing out across her skin with every breath. “Yeah. But I can’t be. Uh, you know I’m not really...” she breathed out through her teeth. “Not really the most knowledgeable on how relationships all work. I don’t know how to treat a fight. My parents never showed me how to make up after. It was just always more fighting. Whenever I made friends I would end up arguing with them and I wouldn’t apologise and I’d lose them. So I’m scared that maybe I won’t know how to make up with you.” Her fingers wrapped around her phone and she pulled it up to her ear, rolling onto her side and kicking up her sheets to warm herself as chills passed through her body. “I thought maybe if I had the night away we’d both forget about it in the morning.” 

“Baby, no, you don’t have to worry about that. We’ve already sort of made up haven’t we?” 

“A little,” she grinned. “Have we?” 

“Well if you want we can talk about what you said.”

“Did I hurt your feelings at all or?” She paused to chuckle. “I sound like I’m 12. I don’t know, was I an asshole?” 

“You caught me a bit off guard honestly,” he sounded a little more awake and she could hear the sheets rustle as he threw them back. “Like wow, I never wanted to get on the wrong side of you before but that just gave me another reason not to.”

She laughed guilty and pulled herself out of bed too, pacing to the other side of her bedroom. “I know. I’m sorry, it was a pretty awful thing to say, and it was a jerk move to hang up on you afterwards.”

“Well hey, it was a jerk move of me to forget, wasn’t it? And I’m sorry. And I’ll make it up to you.” 

“How?” She crossed her arms self consciously.

“I’ll plan you a better date. Tomorrow night. I won’t leave it any longer. We’re going to have the best date tomorrow evening, so you better sleep well tonight, okay?” 

“I will, I can now.” There was a lazy, silent moment where Paul took a break to yawn. 

“So did we do it? Did we make up properly? That’s how you do that?”

“Well you were pretty sweet at it for your first shot. You really aren’t big on apologising?” 

“I never did as a kid. Probably not even once and meant it,” she shrugged, making the pace back to her bed. 

“Okay, I’m gonna go back to bed now, is that alright?” 

“Yeah. Me too.” 

“And you sleep up okay? Don’t forget about our date tomorrow!” 

“Oh as if I’ll forget! You better not forget!” 

“Woah! Sorry Em. Still a sore spot? I   
promise I won’t forget. I’ve written it down on my arm already.”

“Good!” Emma burrowed back into her sheets. “I’ll see you tomorrow babe, and I love you so much!”

———————————————————

“Dear, are you up?” Hidgens knocked quietly on her door. 

“Huh?” Emma slowly opened her eyes. “‘M up! Come in!” She turned onto her side, forcing her eyes open to give Hidgens a sleepy smile. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked, sitting at the foot of her bed. 

She nodded. “I’m feeling good, Hidgens. Pretty good,” she gave him a lazy grin, her eyes shut but her teeth shown. 

“Oh!” He placed a hand on her side. “What about Paul?” He lowered his voice as if he were telling a secret, assuming she had forgotten and didn’t have the nerve to break it to her. 

“Well you were right Hidgens. Everyone has to argue. But that’s fine. We already made up. I said I was sorry.” 

He gave her a proud look. “That’s wonderful, Emma. Did he apologise to you?” 

“Um, I think so. I rang him last night so it’s all a haze. But I was the one who needed to apologise for overreacting to be honest. For yelling and then making a big deal about yelling and wow,” she chuckled. “I don’t do much thinking at night do I?” 

“Do any of us?” He joked. “Emma, I’m very proud that you chose to do that. Now, are you sticking around for breakfast today or am I taking you back home to Paul as soon as possible?” But he could tell just by the excited look on her face it was the latter.


End file.
